Put-down of the week.

That bastard Peter Hain is even more unpopular than usual in Northern Ireland at the minute — quite an achievement for a man who so brilliantly augments his innate fundamentally dislikable personality by being an utter bastard. If I were a cynic, I might even suppose that his appointment was a brilliant move by Blair: unite the squabbling factions of Northern Ireland by giving them a common enemy — or a common git, at any rate. Actually, I am a cynic, but I don't credit Blair with quite the necessary degree of low cunning.

So, anyway, Norn Arsh television is currently rather well stocked with people slagging off Hain. Channel-hopping last night, I came across one young political commentator just as he ended his monologue with this:

The sunbed's on, but nobody's home.

Someone should write that in weedkiller on the lawns of Stormont.