Scum and sympathy.

Here's the story. Johnny Elichaoff had a rather nasty motorcycling accident, and had to have some twenty operations. Unsurprisingly, during that time, he became addicted to painkillers. He is now being treated for that addiction — which I hope means that he's over the pain for which the painkillers were required. His wife, Trinny Woodall, again unsurprisingly, has been worried.

How would you report that story? Anyone who has twenty operations tends to make good copy: defying death is the human-interest story that never gets tired. Or you could always report it from the wife's point of view — she is famous, after all — and do a nice piece about the stress of wondering whether your husband's going to live from one day to the next.

Enter one Richard Simpson, Daily Mail journalist. Being a trained professional, he cut through all that superficial clutter to the story's real essence: the fact that all the stress has caused Trinny Woodall to lose a bit of weight:

Trinny, and what not to wear when you're a bit skinny

It's the sort of question often thrown at style gurus Trinny and Susannah.

What should a girl who's lost more weight than she would like wear so she can disguise her shrinking figure?

The answer, one suspects, would not be a clinging floral dress that draws attention to a somewhat bony chest.

Nevertheless, that was the outfit chosen by Trinny Woodall as she arrived at the airport in Jodhpur before jetting home from Elizabeth Hurley's Indian nuptial celebrations.

I've never heard of Richard Simpson before, but may he go to Hell.