What's your name?
Joseph Kynaston Reeves. Kynaston Reeves is my surname: it's double-barrelled without being hyphenated, like Lloyd George and Bonham Carter. (That's a short Y, by the way: as in "tryst", not "ply".) People generally call me Jo.
Why Jo and not Joe? Isn't that a bit of a girl's name?
Don't ask me. Everyone else spells it that way, and I just decided to follow suit. Something about me seems to bring out the with-no-E spelling in people. Interesting phenomenon.
So why Squander Two?
I am in a band called Squander Pilots. As a result, I was given this name by the award-winning author Rodge Glass. He wasn't an author at the time; he was the lead singer in the great but sadly defunct rock band Single Point Of Light. Which I suppose means my name was his first literary work. Anyway, I liked it, so have kept it.
Why do you blog? And, furthermore, why don't you blog?
I took up blogging because my comments on other people's websites were getting so stupidly big that it seemed only polite to put them in my own place.
Then I completely slacked off because I had kids, got a much tougher job, and got knackered. Also, I find a lot of what I wanted to say is now already up there, said.
Where's that post about the thing?
Since the Kerfuffle, I have taken a few of my old posts down. Not because they contain opinions I'm ashamed of, but because they contain personal details — mainly other people's — which I was happy enough to have on the Web in the old days but which I took down when reporters started rummaging around my back garden. Long-term readers may remember the series of posts about Vic's travails in hospital in 2006. I may edit them and put them back up at some point, as they were rather informative.
Did you accept Russell Brand's offer of lunch?
No. He claimed it was paella, but I'm pretty sure it would actually have been a great big can of worms.
What happened to the photos?
Blogger has been redesigned and rejigged a lot over the years, and some of the pictures that were on this blog have vanished. Sorry. I might get them back at some point. Don't hold your breath.
And the comments?
Old comments (from 2005 to 2014) got disappeared when Haloscan were destroyed by JS-Kit. Nowt I can do about that, I'm afraid.
Can I be your friend on Facebook or LinkedIn?
If you actually know me, yes. Otherwise, nope. However, my Facebook page does have a public feed, if you want to follow it. Jokes and cat videos — you know the drill.
And are you on Twitter?
Twitter is a monument to banality.
Fair point. No, I'm not on Twitter.
Where are you from? And what the hell's up with your accent?
OK, obviously, people very rarely ask me about my accent as a result of reading this blog, but it does tend to come up when they hear me speaking.
I was raised in Hertfordshire and South London, then moved to Scotland and lived in Glasgow (the greatest city on Earth) for seven years, and now live in Bangor in Northern Ireland, though I work in the City of London during the week. My accent is a mixture of all those things, varying depending on where I am and who I'm talking to. It is entirely outwith my control.
How's your food? Hot enough?
I suspect I will be asked this question till I die now.
You're really a squillionaire merchant banker in the pay of the Tories, aren't you?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
That's not a question.