"Look at all the dog shit on that lawn. Have those people no shame?"
"What do you mean, no off-sale liquor on Sunday? Have you people no shame?"
"Stop prancing around like a girl and fight me with this stick."
"What?!? Pfff. Acupuncture isn't real."
"I'm going to have a nap now. When I wake up, all of these cowboy hats had better be OUT of the kitchen."
"When I saw you at the pier, I wanted to tell you that I loved you. But instead, I just went home with your sister."
"Who is this fellow 'Hercules?' I say, is he god... or man?"
"It's maple syrup. It's for pancakes. Just shut up and eat what I put in front of you."
"There are several types of clouds. Cirrus, stratus, etc. - all of them failures."
"When you take a hot shower and fog up the mirror, wipe off the entire mirror. Don't just wipe off enough to see your face. Nobody wants to see your face."
"Can you keep the back long and sorta feather the sides a little? I'd like to look like Steve Perry."
Only a reckless fool would add to that.